Oklahoma

Yesterday, at around noon pacific time, a co-worker asked me about living in Oklahoma, specifically dealing with tornadoes. I told her about storm shelters, sirens, wall clouds, watching funnels drop. Little did I know, shortly after our conversation, an F-5 would drop over the town my grandparents live and where my mom was staying as she helps care for my grandparents.

When I got home, and turned on the computer. My first though was "Holy Shit!" I knew better than to try to call, phone lines would be down, power out, cell phone towers damaged. So I did the next best thing-- Facebook.

Generally, I scoff at the dependence our society has on social media (yes, even though I check Facebook throughout the day...), but yesterday and today I was so glad to have it. I frantically scrolled through my news feed, looking for posts from my mom, cousins, and friends. Luckily, everyone is safe and accounted for.

At about 5 pm my time, my mom was able to send a text saying everyone was fine, albeit without power, phone or water.

I had a friend in the hospital after having a baby that was displaced to the Warren Theater when the sirens went off. Her family is safe. There are so many families out there that are still waiting to find loved ones, looking for a place to stay, food, water.

This afternoon (or evening in Oklahoma) my mom has reported the return of water, although just a trickle, and electricity. Much love to the utility workers in Moore, working hard to restore services. I have read reports of people parked on the sides of the roads, handing out bottled water and nonperishable foods.Rescue crews have promised to triple check every damaged building, looking for survivors.Many stores and organizations are opening their doors to displaced families and animals. So many groups are accepting donations to aid in the relief

• American Red Cross: $10 donations can be made by texting REDCROSS to 90999
• Salvation Army: $10 donations can be made by texting STORM to 80888
• Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma: $10 donations can be made by texting FOOD to 32333

I'm sure there are countless others, including the Humane Societies and animal shelters throughout the state that could use help with fostering, pet food, monetary donations, and donations of your time.

Update on Bullying

Last Sunday, Ryan and I sat down to figure out exactly what has been going on and when it happened. We don;t want Sean getting bullied, but we don't want the kid to get in trouble for the same incident twice. During our conversation on Sunday, Sean mentioned a few incidences, but when we asked him if they happened before or after his teacher and principal talked to the class, he said before. He didn't (or wouldn't?) tell us of any specific incident that happened since the discussion. So, Ryan and I decided to hold off on talking to the principal again.

Well, as fate would have it, Monday on our way to Kung Fu, Sean mentioned a couple of incidences that happened AFTER the class discussion.... And of course, I had to go into work Tuesday morning.I did go into his class room before work and spoke with his teacher. She is very proactive in these situations, unfortunately, she is not usually around when it happens with Sean, usually at recess time, which is her lunch break. She did speak with the older boys that agreed to keep an eye out on Sean during lunch break and have them check in on him several times throughout the day. She also said she would speak with the ring leader again, and let him know that it is not okay to ostracize someone, or to only chase after 1 kid while playing tag, or knock him out every time as soon as he gets in during a 4 square game. 

I honestly don't know if I am making things better or worse. When we ask Sean how school was, he doesn't answer right away. He seems to be skirting the question and giving half answers.

There are 3 more weeks of class. We are going to finish the year, and start next year. Hopefully over the summer, things will resolve. We are planning on having the kids that Sean was friends with before this other boy decided to convince them to ignore Sean over several times during the Summer.(Apparently  when the ring leader is not around, they play fine with Sean.)

I've been thinking a lot of homeschooling both boys, or moving to the public schools. Both have positives and negatives. Both boys need the social interaction that attending a school provides. Academically, both are thriving in the small classes. Aidan has been extremely difficult and combative with us, so homeschooling him could be a nightmare and do more harm than good at this point.... Sean says he wants to continue at the school he is in.

Bullies

There always seems to be a lot of talk about bullying. How to talk to your kids, how to recognize the signs, cyber bullies, etc... 

But....

What do you really do when your child tells you he is being bullied?

Your heart breaks. Of course, you hope for a peaceful resolution. You talk to him about it, trying to find out as many details as you can. Has it gotten physical? If so, how? Have you told a teacher/ principal? Did you tell the punk ass  other kid to stop? What did he do?

Then you talk to the teacher. Hopefully it gets nipped in the bud. 

But if it doesn't? If there is a momentary quiet, and just when you think, everything will be ok, you find out it is starting again?

Obviously, this is something that we are dealing with. Starting the end of last year, another boy in Sean's class (of 13) began socially isolating him. Telling Sean he can't play with him, starting a club and inviting all the other boys to join, but telling Sean he can't. Crap like that.

Fast forward to 3rd grade. It gets progressively worse. to the point that Sean's best friends won't play with him because this other boy doesn't want to play. Sean begins to think he is stupid and unlikable. He tells me this other boy shoved him at the play ground. He goes into the after care room at recess to play with his little brother since no one else will play with him.

Now, Ry and I have Sean in Kung Fu. We want him to be able to defend himself, to regain that self confidence he has lost since this has started. I spoke with his teacher (she doesn't have recess duty, and was unaware of most of the isolation and of the shove). 

That day, she gets the principal to come into the class and discuss bullying. They have a long discussion, and some of the older kids are invited in, 1 that was bullied and 1 that was the bully. Sean gets the chance to confront this other boy, and his former best friends, about how he feels.

And things are better.

Until they aren't.

The isolation is beginning again. A new boy starts school, and is "recruited" to the other boy's group. 

What do you do then? I mean, I know I need to let the teacher and principal know it is starting again.

But how do I heal the emotional distress of such a gentle soul?

This is a boy that hurts when he steps on a bug. That won't let me kill a spider in the house, instead, catches it in a jar and takes it outside.

How can I convince him he is smart, worth loving, worth having as a friend?

Part of why we chose a small private school for our children is the sense of community and family the school promotes. But if my son is being ostracized, and especially if it continues, am I doing him a disservice? I don't want to put him in a new school. He says he likes going to the school he is at.