Bullies

There always seems to be a lot of talk about bullying. How to talk to your kids, how to recognize the signs, cyber bullies, etc... 

But....

What do you really do when your child tells you he is being bullied?

Your heart breaks. Of course, you hope for a peaceful resolution. You talk to him about it, trying to find out as many details as you can. Has it gotten physical? If so, how? Have you told a teacher/ principal? Did you tell the punk ass  other kid to stop? What did he do?

Then you talk to the teacher. Hopefully it gets nipped in the bud. 

But if it doesn't? If there is a momentary quiet, and just when you think, everything will be ok, you find out it is starting again?

Obviously, this is something that we are dealing with. Starting the end of last year, another boy in Sean's class (of 13) began socially isolating him. Telling Sean he can't play with him, starting a club and inviting all the other boys to join, but telling Sean he can't. Crap like that.

Fast forward to 3rd grade. It gets progressively worse. to the point that Sean's best friends won't play with him because this other boy doesn't want to play. Sean begins to think he is stupid and unlikable. He tells me this other boy shoved him at the play ground. He goes into the after care room at recess to play with his little brother since no one else will play with him.

Now, Ry and I have Sean in Kung Fu. We want him to be able to defend himself, to regain that self confidence he has lost since this has started. I spoke with his teacher (she doesn't have recess duty, and was unaware of most of the isolation and of the shove). 

That day, she gets the principal to come into the class and discuss bullying. They have a long discussion, and some of the older kids are invited in, 1 that was bullied and 1 that was the bully. Sean gets the chance to confront this other boy, and his former best friends, about how he feels.

And things are better.

Until they aren't.

The isolation is beginning again. A new boy starts school, and is "recruited" to the other boy's group. 

What do you do then? I mean, I know I need to let the teacher and principal know it is starting again.

But how do I heal the emotional distress of such a gentle soul?

This is a boy that hurts when he steps on a bug. That won't let me kill a spider in the house, instead, catches it in a jar and takes it outside.

How can I convince him he is smart, worth loving, worth having as a friend?

Part of why we chose a small private school for our children is the sense of community and family the school promotes. But if my son is being ostracized, and especially if it continues, am I doing him a disservice? I don't want to put him in a new school. He says he likes going to the school he is at.