I have been doing some online research on anxiety to help understand it better. Because that's the way I am. I have to learn about it, think it through, then hopefully I am able to put a plan into action. According to the Mayo Clinic, the symptoms of anxiety are as follows:
- Feeling apprehensive (yup)
- Feeling powerless (yup)
- Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom (occasionally, more so than usual)
- Having an increased heart rate (sometimes I can feel it racing)
- Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation) (not really)
- Sweating (All the friggin time!)
- Trembling (ehh... not usually)
- Feeling weak or fatigued (Every day, from the moment I wake up, to the time I go to bed)
So, after reading that I hopped on over to MedlinePlus. There I found a self assessment tool. And this is what it said:
"The self assessment tool indicates the presence of the symptoms of Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is recommended that you contact a doctor or mental health professional."
This is why I am dangerous on the internet... I take these self assessment tests, then run rampant.
I have had panic attacks. The whole elephant on my chest, can't breath, dizzy, nauseous, tingling in the fingers and toes, blurry vision type of deal is no fun at all. In fact is one of the scariest experiences I have ever had. Especially when it happens as you are driving down a country road by yourself at 2 a.m. Or when you are at WalMart. Oh yeah. Been there, done that. Thankfully, that hasn't happened in about 4 years. (Although I almost had one before going to a recent doctor's appointment)
There are a variety of anxiety disorders out there. And really, I think at times, most people have some difficulty in managing the stresses in their life. Most people are able to work through it, and move on. My problem is that while I know I am worrying, and stressing out about mostly inconsequential things, I can't stop it. I am like a damn chihuahua. Nipping at the smallest inkling that something may not go as I planned, worrying at it until it explodes and instead of it being a minor inconvenience, it turns into something I can't work around or through. Then it just sits there festering....
"The self assessment tool indicates the presence of the symptoms of Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is recommended that you contact a doctor or mental health professional."
This is why I am dangerous on the internet... I take these self assessment tests, then run rampant.
I have had panic attacks. The whole elephant on my chest, can't breath, dizzy, nauseous, tingling in the fingers and toes, blurry vision type of deal is no fun at all. In fact is one of the scariest experiences I have ever had. Especially when it happens as you are driving down a country road by yourself at 2 a.m. Or when you are at WalMart. Oh yeah. Been there, done that. Thankfully, that hasn't happened in about 4 years. (Although I almost had one before going to a recent doctor's appointment)
There are a variety of anxiety disorders out there. And really, I think at times, most people have some difficulty in managing the stresses in their life. Most people are able to work through it, and move on. My problem is that while I know I am worrying, and stressing out about mostly inconsequential things, I can't stop it. I am like a damn chihuahua. Nipping at the smallest inkling that something may not go as I planned, worrying at it until it explodes and instead of it being a minor inconvenience, it turns into something I can't work around or through. Then it just sits there festering....
I know there are some really good pharmaceuticals out there that can help. And there are some common sense changes that can help as well:
- exercises regularly
- avoid alcohol or other sedatives
- eat healthy foods
- sleep
- relax
- quit smoking
- avoid/limit caffeine
Hard to exercises when you are so pooped, you can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I don't drink alcohol often, an occasional beer or glass of wine with the girls from work or out at dinner with the husband. I try to eat healthfully, but let's face it. I am a sugar junkie. Sleep? Either that is all I do, or I can not, no matter what I try, fall asleep and stay asleep. Relax? We are talking anxiety here, right? Don't smoke. I don't know about the last one. I do so love my coffee. And my Dr. Pepper.
I know those are really just a bunch of excuses. Especially on the exercise, eating better and limiting caffeine ones. I know that studies support that exercise can have positive outcomes with people with depression and anxiety, I have read the reports. I truly believe it too. I tell my patients almost daily, how important physical activity is for overall well being. But sometimes, this knowledge just adds more stress and guilt to my lack of desire to make these simple, important lifestyle changes.
I know those are really just a bunch of excuses. Especially on the exercise, eating better and limiting caffeine ones. I know that studies support that exercise can have positive outcomes with people with depression and anxiety, I have read the reports. I truly believe it too. I tell my patients almost daily, how important physical activity is for overall well being. But sometimes, this knowledge just adds more stress and guilt to my lack of desire to make these simple, important lifestyle changes.
Honey, sometimes you sound so much like me it is just freaking scary, and you have a good dose of you Auntie Barbara thrown in for good measure...We are some serious type A people who have a hard time giving outselves permission to just be...not perfect...but just the best we can be without holding up some mental image of what that perfet us should be. We get wrapped up in our own expectations as well as trying to live up to what we think other people expect of us. You have to be a great mom, wife, worker, friend, daughter, etc. etc... The result are phases of extreme anxiety and sometimes a feeling of just plane neuroses.
ReplyDeleteBut the truth is you just have to try to be good or the best at those things as you can at any given moment in time and that best/good is arbitrary and situationally dependent. It takes time to relize that sometimes being the best mother is being there for the five minutes your kid needs a kissed boo boo and a bandaid while other times it means spending a couple hours playing/helping with homework. Sometimes being the best wife means that you spoon with your husband at bedtime, or say what a wondeful thing it was when he did "X"...not that you do all the laundry and cook a 3 course meal everyday. And work...we all know there are specific goals associated with our paid jobs, sometimes you will meet everyone of those goals, other times maybe not...but as long as you did the best at every task that you attempted/completed then accept that as a personal accomplishment (hopefully management recognizes quality of work).
But almost every thing we do, and all of our relationshships are dependent on other peoples' actions, reactions, and expectations. So hopefully you will learn sooner than I did, to cut yourself some slack and revamp that image of the "ideal" you,you constantly try to be. Embrace that beautiful, slightly crooked smile (I love it bc it looks like you know something no one else does, and I am pretty sure you do). Look at your children and know that they are the singularly most creative things you ever made and no one else could have done what you did to make them who they are and who they will be...generous, loving, cranky, silly, smart and beautiful little boy children. Know that there has to be something absolutely wonderful about you because not only did Ryan teach you how to drive, he decided to marry you after that experience. There are hundreds of other things that I can think of that you should embrace and use to construct the image of yourself that you hold before yourself. I hope if you can work on this, then some of your recent issues with anxiety will dissapate...and never be afraid to seek that counseling or medical help if you need it...that is true strength asking for and getting help when and if you need it.
I love my baby girl, Mommy